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Joke of the Day

I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.....
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Change

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine....

Nothing

I started out with nothing and I still have most of it.....

Parallel Universe

I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe....

Nothing sucks

Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong....

Hurt You

The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on the list.....

Some People

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.....

Society

We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police....

Meat

If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made with meat?....

Borrow Money

Always borrow money from a pessimist; they don't expect to be paid back....

Charity Work

I do charity work. I volunteer my opinion just about every day.....

Support bacteria

Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have....

Experience

Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.....

Something else

Give me ambiguity or give me something else....

Good girls

Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.....

My Patience

I just want to be as thin as my patience.....

Substitute

The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes....

Quiet as a mouse

Whoever coined the phrase “Quiet as a mouse” has never stepped on one.....